blue eyed boy

for years I sat on the sidelines
forever innocent but filled with fear
spending life in chains
residing where the air always felt heavy
wondering when I would feel free enough
to step into my own becoming
that of which would allow me
to find and come to know
the most perfect God
as I pause to admire the japanese maple and douglas fir
the Divine's presence shines in and through me.

in the deep forest
I listen to the sound of my own footsteps
sitting cross legged
wondering how to make sense of this experience
that of which has allowed me to roam for thirty years
a miracle in itself is the ability to look around and become aware, to question all that is —
my soul asks for healing
for guidance
inward, now
one day I am firmly tethered to Mother Earth
the next stretched in directions I wasn't aware existed

how to find one's self in a world of distraction
in a state of disarray, I am reminded of the cinnamon like pines moving towards decay
how they too, fall, like leaves
a beginning and ending
worth celebrating is the life you've lived thus far
your existence matters
looking down at the lines of which composes my palms that reside in my hands
I imagine myself as a tree
a vessel for the world being used
a soul connected to a greater reality
returning to oneness reminds me that I am whole
as I am, at this very second.

there are days quite often I weep for the world
as the clouds open and the light strolls in
I notice how fractures can too be mended
how admirable it is to continue doing the work
seeking out truth
moving through a world that is no longer truthful
mortality's presence reminds me of the fragility
of this journey
forgiving myself is to smile in the mirror
holding all of my vices with a spaciousness
that calls me to recognise my own humanity
in spite of finding gray strands in my hair

so meet me at the crossroads
between the here and now
cultivating stillness within my own heart
like a phoenix —
breath returns and color is restored
a compass as my vessel
seeking medicine for the mind
intentionality speaks
through a portal I walk
my journey is fervent
hand on my chest
back in the body
heartbeat found
ah, yes
home.
my life is just beginning